How to write a B-school Essay

So, you have decided to burn your own and your parents hard earned money by doing an MBA degree from a firang B-sakoool. You have gotten a respectable score in GMAT and are now fully prepared to write the essays for the B-Schools, but guess what? You, like most average Indians, have never written anything creative in your entire life apart from the 'My Mother' composition in KG and now are faced with the prospect of writing on esoteric topics like 'My most memorable cross-cultural experience' and 'My greatest asset..'

Well guess what? I am here to help all you folks out. So take out your writing pads and take notes:

1) Dont tell the truth! You have battled sexual/political/financial prejudice in life and yet have achieved a stellar GPA of 2!! Those fuggers should be in awe of your struggle.

2)Picking up drunk chicks in dimly lit bars isnt an extra curricular activity.period.

3)Collecting porn movies isnt a hobby either. It should be, but it isn't, neither is the title of the 'greatest pervert in all of Vashi' an award either.Should be but isn't. Cruel world innit?

4)Last but not the least, Be anything but a Indian male working in IT with an average GMAT score. You will never get into the M7 colleges and if you are an IIM...just stop being that..change your field,get a 790 GMAT or just go for a sex change do something!

So bachon, Best of luck for your essays!

I don't know what to blog about no more

I seriously don't. I am totally blank, I have written 3 posts and deleted them because they weren't fun enough. I have seriously lost the will to write anymore. Anything that isn't funny will seem gay to me. So basically there it is, I have no idea what to write any more. Incase any of you kind people out there, wish to see a out of work blogger humiliate himself, tell me what topic to write on and I promise, I shall have something ready within 24 hrs.

PS. Not joking, give me some topics.

Need money

I never thought that such a day would come, but unfortunately it has. I have given my GMAT and now I need dough to do my Foreign MBA, which will cost me upwards of 40 lakh rupees and I have decided to beg for it and whom do you think I should ask for the money? My friends? Ask the banks for a loan? Nopes! I will ask it from my friends at Air India.

Why Air India? of all the places one could think of going for monetary assistance,Air India will most probably never occur to the common man.

But I have come up with a great scheme: If each of the 16,000 full time employees of Air India, would be kind enough to lend me Rs.250 each, I would be able to accumulate the required tuition fees for my education. But don't worry, I am not asking for charity! I will pay back the entire sum, albeit without interest and that too in case, I can get a good salary at a top consultancy firm. But given the bleak job market, there are very high chances that I might not be able to land up in a big firm and you will have forfeit the investment you have made.

You might say that Rs.250 per head is such a paltry sum for most of the employees of Air India and that it shouldn't matter to them. But then again the employees might not want to risk those 250 Rupees on funding some unknown persons future education plans. There are banks that will provide me with loans and that I should probably save money by cutting back on unnecessary luxuries and somehow save up enough cash so that I can fund my own expenses.

Well, then why on earth is my money being used to bail out Air India for having stacked debt upwards of 7200 crore rupees(As of March 2009) and to save the maharajah and its employees? If my company were to declare bankruptcy for making stupid mistakes, I would be expected to shrug my shoulders and curse my luck.

Why is the govt succumbing to mob rule?

Why not let the Airline pull up its socks and provide quality treatment to its customers?

Why are Interest free loans being provided to an inefficient organisation?

Ask anyone to choose between flying Air India and spending a night at Tihar Jail, Most people would happily choose Tihar over flying Air India.

AWA part I

Yeah Yeah I know I am just writing crap that noone will read or commment on, but that I believe holds true for 95% of the bloggers, and its always safer to be in the majority(hehe). So hence forth I am going to write all my AWA essays on my blog instead of mailing it to the guys who are going to review it.

D-Day has been set

I am sick and tired of the banking industry and I refuse to be a stooge of these imperialist buggers.So, I have finally decided to chuck my cosy lifestyle and after a hiatus of 2 years return back to studying for GMAT. I know that I had promised myself never to study again after I completed my Engineering, but I need money to finance my flashy lifestyle. Allow me to give you an insight into my daily routine:

1)Wake up at 8 AM in pune on a sofa cum bed, which it has been long alledged is infested with bed bugs.

2)Have a bath with a slightly broken shower. Its not that bad once you get used to the extremely low water pressure.

3)Walk to office. Yes, I am one of the very few who inspite of being in Pune for the past 2years dont have enough money to buy a Bike.

4)Work till 10 PM. Eat in office

5) Sleep at 11 PM.

I somehow think that doing an MBA will somehow bring in enough liquidity into my life so that I will be able to wake up on better beds, have a bath using better quality showers and probably have enough to buy myself a car. Points 4 and 5 will remain the same probably.

The great Indian Sop Opera

Well I shouldn't call it the The Great Indian sop opera, when its actually the The Great Tamil Sop Opera. Tamil politics has always been close to my heart, unlike the rot of the cow belt politics, wherein criminals,murderers and rapists will be seen sharing dais with film stars and national level leaders speaking about issues that concern the nation and the locals alike. Whereas in TN, the poor people of the state are subjected to the whims and fancies of a 2 political parties who have a near monopoly in the state politics and all the people ever get to hear is each party abusing the other in public. So, how does one still keep the people of the great state(NOT being sarcastic) of Tamil Nadu interested? Well, you give them free TV's, gold rings and Rice at a knock down price of Rs.2 a kg.

I don't have any issue if Mr.Karunanidhi in all his infinite wisdom decides to give each and every household of TN a TV from his own pocket or decides to promote Tamil culture by awarding a gold ring(bought from his own fucking money) to every baby who has a proper tamil name or to provide food to the people of TN at 2 Rs/kg instead of the market price of 20 Rs/kg.

I have no issues with the Tamil nadu government increasing taxes in Tamil Nadu to provide TV's and what not to the people of Tamil Nadu, but why the fuck should my money go into buying some guy from Chennai a TV??

SP has gone nuts!

I always thought that Politics is primarily for those who are not fit enough to do anything else and what with the Samajwadi party stating in its Election Manifesto that the Use of English and Computers should be curtailed.Sharing the Dais with Mr.Mulayam Singh was Mr. Sanjay Dutt, who apart from being an MCP, a crack head and an actor of below par acting skills is also an idiot and yes, he is also the General Secretary of the Samajwadi party. Here is an educated guy from an affluent family, who gives speeches in English, sends his daughter to get the best American Education possible, is instrumental in creating a manifesto that states that the quality of education for those whose parents aren't as privileged as Messers Mulayam Singh,Amar Singh and Mr. Sanjay Dutt, can go fuck themselves.

They state that No one should be forced to learn English and that People who do not wish to learn the language shouldn't be denied education. True, totally true. From a free citizens perspective, its the most valid statement ever made. We should make our own choices. But what Mr.Singh and his cronies need to realise is that this country's economy is a service economy and we are being edged out by China. Their population is at a major disadvantage when it comes to speaking English and that Mr.Singh, is what is driving the economy and not your non sensical bullshit ideas.

But then again its not their fault, here is a motley gang of uneducated/partly educated Student leaders who think that it doesn't matter what happens to the country until and unless the win in the Cow belt states of UP and Bihar.

But UP and Bihar politicians, aren't the only exceptions to this above rule. Will someone please explain to Mr. Modi that doesn't matter whether you call a lady a 'bhudiya'(old lady) or 'gudiya'(doll) its still offensive. But we must understand that the above statement was uttered by Modi in UP, But we should not stereo type the people of the great state of UP or Bihar, our politicians are idiots, no matter where they are.